Fup for Thought

Straight from the lips of Buddha himself:

Feel great,
act great
and approve
of yourself.



Okay, okay! Buddha didn't tell me that. Yogi tea did. But I'm sure they got it from a reliable source.

forgiveness

As I look to the past seeking understanding of my slow but dramatic transformation into who I am now, I feel the same fears, the same uncertainties. There are people, and the things people said, and I live in the present with the belief that they are long gone. Tonight reminds me that they are only a few clicks away, and they rush back swiftly, brightly. They read like a chapter out of someone else's book; a book about someone who does not live inside my body anymore. A stranger.

I want to feel resolution, I want to conclude, but I do not wish to revisit. I do not wish to open myself up again to those who I had to forget. I desire safety and comfort, for the right to be myself and be open and unguarded. But I realize now how unsettled it all still is. I wonder: is it enough to rectify these truths within myself or must I seek peace in the physical realm?

There are things, small things, that bruise my heart so easily, so often. I know now that there are things I need to learn to forgive. But forgiveness for me means facing my own complicity in the course of what has happened; it means I must learn to forgive myself.

Daily Fupdate: Rules to Live By

Soooooo I love rules to live by. I think they are fun, slightly buddhist in nature yet immediately gratifying, and a good kick in the ass, equivalent to an obnoxiously named venti iced sugar free caramel latte at 3pm. Yes, that's my favorite.

The best thing about rules to live by is that you can have as many as you want, revising and rewriting them at any time. In fact, I think they should change, and often.

Here are my rules to live by for Tuesday, March 31, 2009.

1. Eat clementines. Lots and lots of them. They are delicious and contain an essence I believe reinvigorates my life force. They are a pure delight. Ethereal, even.

2. Make relaxation your number one priority at least one time per day. This does not mean you should be lazy or worthless. This means you should let go of everyone's expectations, but more importantly, let go of things you can do nothing about. When things bother me, I always ask, can I change it? If not I try to consciously put it to bed and move on.

3. Try taking a bath first before taking pain relievers. Even if you still have to take one afterwards anyway, at least you did something wholesome and relaxing for yourself.

4. Paint your house wonderful colors. Don't be shy. You can always repaint. Color is much cozier than white or beige.

5. Show your dog or kids you love them everyday. When I say show them, I mean grab them up in your arms, squeeze them tight against your heart, and kiss their little heads a dozen times. Make funny noises.

6. Use good manners almost all of the time. Go out of your way to be nice to people who need it. It may restore their faith in humanity. It may restore your own.

7. The only time you should really forget about manners while in public is while laughing. If something is funny, laugh. Laugh hard. Don't worry about bothering people.

8. Once in a while you should eat something nostalgic. Something from your childhood or high school years that is supremely comforting and indulgent.

9. Enjoy the things you enjoy. Don't apologize for or explain the things you like. Most importantly, don't judge yourself. For example, I have an unabashed love for perusing catalogues, both paper and online. I like to look at things. I may not buy anything, but that isn't the point. To me, catalogues are interesting and creative. I believe they contain possibility.

10. Don't let people push you around when you haven't asked for their advice. Don't be afraid to tell someone to back off when they have already made the first move. Be strong, unapologetic, and simple. An emphatic, "Get the fuck out of my face" will suffice.

11. Forgive everyone. Forgive yourself.

12. Send thank you notes on nice stationary.

13. Enjoy and encourage moments of clarity.